PVPF 2024

Interview with Divya Gupta Kotawala, author of My Dad's Daughter

The biggest gift my background gave me was confidence! It has given me wings to fly and do what my heart says. I strongly feel good education is very important as it shapes up your personality and makes you a stronger person.
on May 16, 2023

Born and brough-up in Delhi, Divya Gupta Kotawala, wears several hats – a wife, a mother to a 15 year old girl Manya, co-owner of a Delhi-based jewellery brand – House of Kotawala – along with her husband Manish that deals in high quality diamonds and precious stones in wholesale prices since 6 generations and a loyal friend to a bunch of quadragenarian, whom she has known for nearly four decades! However, the role that she has cherished the most in her life is that of the daughter of her father – Shri Suresh Gupta. Divya lost her father to COVID in 2021, in the most challenging circumstances.

Unable to get any closures and to give a befitting farewell to her dear dad Divya recently turned an Author and launched her book ‘My Dad’s Daughter’ on her dad’s first death anniversary
Divya completed her schooling from Modern School, Barakhamba Road where she excelled in numerous extracurricular activities and won many awards of appreciation and recognition throughout. Later, she joined the prestigious St. Stephen’s College, Delhi University, where she did her honours in History. Thereafter, in pursuit of her passion for designing and creativity, Divya joined the National Institute of Fashion Technology (NIFT), for a course in fashion designing. And post that tried a few freelance projects and partnered in a kids oriented development and enhancement project Yellow Bumble with a friend to find her true calling.

Frontlist: What inspired you to write "My Dad's Daughter," and how did you go about the process of writing and publishing it?

Divya: My biggest inspiration to write this book was my Dad! It was an attempt to keep his memories alive forever and, moreover, to give the most befitting tribute to him as we lost him to COVID and never had our last goodbyes.

Frontlist: Losing a parent is a heart-wrenching experience, and the pandemic has only added to the difficulty of coping with such a loss. How did COVID-19 affect your grieving process?

Divya: It affected me immensely... I had never imagined myself in this most excruciating pain that I landed into. Being stuck in it was a nightmare for me and my family, and it felt so lonely and scary. We all know one day we would lose our loved ones, but losing to COVID made this pain 100 times more intense. There were no closures, no goodbyes, and no farewells, which left me with so much pain, and this grief was unbearable. We were left all alone to mourn in this darkness with no friends and family around, and the process of healing got badly delayed and slow.

Frontlist: "My Dad's Daughter" delves into themes of grief, loss, and recovery. What message do you hope readers take away from your personal story?

Divya: My story may sound personal to many, and often people feel, "What do they have to do with it?" But the theme of my book is universal. It's about love, pain, grief, and healing, and I feel there is no one in this world who would not experience these emotions ever. Our way of dealing with them can be different, the intensity of pain may vary, but the feelings won't ever change. My message through my book is to learn to share your grief because, just as happiness increases when shared, pain also reduces when shared. I want to tell people to learn to transform their pain into their biggest strength because we definitely cannot bring back our loved ones, but we can be strong enough to learn to live without them and eventually learn to remember them and celebrate their lives.

Frontlist: You come from a family business background and have pursued a career in fashion design. In what ways has your background influenced your writing?

Divya: The biggest gift my background gave me was confidence! It has given me wings to fly and do what my heart says. I strongly feel good education is very important as it shapes up your personality and makes you a stronger person. Also, I'd like to express gratitude that I could do what I planned for my dad as I had resources to do so. There would be many who have the same feelings but were unable to do so due to a lack of means and opportunities. My upbringing gave me memories with my father that I wanted to capture in the book so that they live a lifetime, as my father made so many beautiful moments with us that I wanted to preserve and pass on to the coming generations.

Frontlist: Writing a memoir can be an emotional journey, and revisiting some of the memories you shared in your book must have been challenging. How did you handle this process?

Divya: I am so often asked, "How can you write about the darkest phase of your life so openly? Didn't it hurt you?" My answer is yes... immensely! It was like scratching a wound again and again and not letting it heal, but I feel today that has become my biggest strength. I have spoken about my pain so much that now I have the power to deal with it. It was tough to write about those 12 last days with Dad, about that moment when that call came from the hospital... It was like reliving that nightmare again and again, but I was so sure I wanted to do this, so there was no looking back.

Frontlist: Your book combines emotional accounts of your family's life before, during, and after the pandemic. Can you discuss some of the challenges you faced during this time, and how you overcame them?

Divya: After losing a loved one, your life can never be the same. You will always live a life on a pendulum that says "before" and "after." So mine changed, and at times, it's tough to even imagine the new life! Mine was no exception. Losing Dad was sad as he was the head of the family, and it left everyone and everything shattered. In fact, it's been two years, and we are still struggling to put the scattered pieces of the puzzle back together, and it will probably take a lifetime. Only a few in the family have the power and ability to keep everyone together, and Dad was that thread.

Frontlist: Writing a book about grief and loss must have affected your perspective on these topics. How has your experience writing this book impacted your outlook on life?

Divya: I am a changed person! I won't say I am the best version of myself, but definitely the strongest one. Also, grief can only be understood or experienced; one can never understand the pain one goes through until you have felt it too. So now, I am more conscious about others' grief. It instantly affects me and takes me back to mine. No wonder the tap of tears flows more often than ever before. I feel connected to people going through the same pain and have the urge to talk to them and help them as much as I can to help them heal. I now have gratitude towards the smallest happiness of life and want to live every moment as you never know what tomorrow has in store for us!

Frontlist: In "My Dad's Daughter," you emphasize the importance of seeking professional help for mental health issues. Can you share any advice for those struggling with grief or other mental health challenges?

Divya: Yes, it's very important to take help, any kind doesn't matter, but grief needs to be shared. You need to vent it out, or else it makes you a very bitter person, and that affects your other relationships too. The more you talk about your pain, the more you heal and come back to the real world. I had connected with a grief counselor, and that really helped me. I cried with her for days until I reached a point where I could remember my dad with a smile, and this process left me feeling much better. So don't ever hesitate to ask for help.

Frontlist: Your book is a deeply personal account of your life and experiences. Was it difficult to be so vulnerable in your writing, and what inspired you to share your story?

Divya: Honestly, when I was writing, I didn't even realize what I was doing. As a family, we were very private and close-knit, and I had never imagined that I would come out in the open like this. In fact, I was so deep in grief when this whole book writing happened that I realized much later what I had done, but I wasn't ready to move back. Also, I feel true stories touch lives instantly, as people can relate to them and connect with them immediately. So even if one person can heal with my life story, I would feel it was worth taking the risk!"