PVPF 2024

Interview with Ajay K Pandey, author of “You are the Best Friend”

Exclusive interview with Ajay K Pandey, the author of 'You Are the Best Friend,' featured on Frontlist.
on Oct 05, 2023

Ajay K Pandey grew up in the modest NTPC township of Rihand Nagar with big dreams. He studied Engineering in Electronics at IERT (Allahabad) and MBA at IIMM (Pune) before taking up a job in a corporate firm.

He grew up with a dream of becoming a teacher, but destiny landed him in the IT field.

Travelling, trekking and reading novels are his hobbies. Travelling to different places has taught him about diverse cultures and people, and makes him wonder how despite all the differences, there is a bond that unites them. Trekking always inspires him to deal with challenges like a sport. Reading is perhaps what makes him feel alive.

Apart from writing, he wants to follow his role model Mother Teresa and create a charitable trust to support aged people and educate special children.

After his debut book You Are the Best Wife won lakhs of hearts, Ajay has authored bestselling titles like Her Last Wish, Everything I Never Told You, An Unexpected Gift, A Girl to Remember, The Girl in the Red Lipstick and I Wish I Could Tell Her.

Frontlist: Mental health is a prominent theme in "You Are the Best Friend." Could you discuss how the characters in the book navigate their mental and emotional well-being and what lessons readers can draw from their experiences?

Ajay: "You are the Best Friend" is my story. It narrates my journey of how I overcame mental health challenges. When I lost my wife, I was suffering from Depression. I started blaming the world for my loss. I always used to ponder over the thought – "Why me?" I was trying to fill the void left by my wife by trying to do various things – going to the Art of Living Meditation Center and keeping myself busy with several other tasks. Yet, I was feeling lonely without my beloved wife.

Then I met my friend Anisha, who helped me in my emotional breakdown moments. If any of us is going through an emotional turmoil in our life, never give up! Be strong and find the courage to share your problems with your friends. Look inward for validation, not outward. Since I have been in those shoes, I know it can be challenging but not impossible.

"You are the Best Friend" is like a painkiller for those suffering from mental health issues. The book discusses forgiveness, love, and friendship—the essence of life.

Frontlist: "In 'You Are the Best Friend,' you emphasize the importance of communication and emotional support in relationships. In today's fast-paced and often digitally-driven world, some people seem quick to give up on relationships due to a lack of trust and miscommunication. What are your views on this modern-day challenge, and what advice do you have for such individuals?

Ajay: Communication is very important for everyone, especially those suffering from Depression. When you are depressed, you want someone to listen to you. You also want emotional support, someone who can empathize with you. So, when interacting with someone, you also create an emotional bond by sharing your problems. The bitter truth of today's world is that, due to a lack of communication, people easily give up on their relationships. I want to say that you should spend more quality time with your family.

In the art of making a relationship, you should be a giver. Suppose you want a trustworthy partner, then you will have to begin by becoming a trustworthy person yourself. If you want your friend to listen to you, you should be a good listener first. If you want their time, please give time to them. Support each other during times of crisis. Show your gestures of love. I would like to give a piece of advice to each and every individual: make friends and exchange your feelings with each other. Share your problems if anything is bothering you because friendship is the root of all relationships. If you are surrounded by your friends, you will never feel lonely.

Frontlist: Writing about deep and emotional subjects can be challenging. How did you approach the emotional aspects of the story, and what is your approach to keeping your own mental health in check?

Ajay: Writing is a relieving task. When you are writing, you are releasing your thoughts, ideas, and emotions. So, it's a process where you can vent out. I have lived with Depression, so it was easy to weave my emotions into words. I am an emotional person, and emotions come naturally to me.

I maintain my mental health by meditating, exercising, traveling, and, most importantly, by writing. Yes, of course, I also have good friends with whom I spend quality time, and this helps me to create an emotional bond with them and also prevents me from feeling lonely.

Frontlist: "You Are the Best Friend" has garnered a strong reader following. Could you share any memorable reader feedback or stories that have touched you personally?

Ajay: : Yes, I am happy that I have been able to touch many lives through You Are the Best Friend. As I have mentioned in the book, Depression is a problem of intelligent people… those who think can also tend to tip towards overthinking.

I would like to share the feedback from one of my readers who said that he was depressed throughout his life and thought he was incapable of anything. He considered himself a failure. So this reader of mine said that your book helped me to boost my confidence. He accepted that he has a more rational mind and that getting into Depression is normal. It also helped him come out of negative thoughts by learning to be grateful for what he had. He saw suffering around and felt he had much more in life.

Frontlist: Many readers turn to literature as a form of self-help and comfort during challenging times. What role do you think books and storytelling play in providing solace and guidance, especially in the context of mental health struggles?

Ajay: In my opinion, when you are going through a tough time, and your mental strength is at an all-time low, you keep thinking about the same thing again and again. One starts ruminating about their past. You keep thinking about the person you have lost. Reading or writing books prevents you from getting sucked into that world of sadness.

Reading is a focused task; you hardly will see anyone simultaneously read a novel while doing something else as well. You need concentration and focus to read. If you pick the right books, you can end up being so engrossed in it that it deviates you from negative thoughts and provide you with a mental escape.

It also happens that you start liking the story's protagonist, which could change your thought process. You start imagining the protagonist rather than lamenting about your present or past situation. This really happened to me, and I am telling you from my experience. Reading is a great stress buster!

Frontlist: Beyond your writing, do you personally engage in any self-care practices or routines to maintain your own mental well-being? If so, could you share some of these practices?

Ajay: Yes, I do engage myself in different activities, which help me to keep myself aloof from anxieties and stress. Whenever I feel stressed, I go for a long walk. I try to jot down things to do on a piece of paper. For instance, if you need to go out and your geyser is not working, or you need to pay the electricity bill, what I do is I write it on a piece of paper. When writing down the things I need to do, I am transferring my thoughts, which would have worried or stressed me if they were still in my mind. This is one of my simple ways of managing myself to remain stress-free.

I also go for long walks to get some fresh air or practice meditation, where I follow specific steps such as exhaling hot air and inhaling cold air, which helps me a lot. Last but not least, I make a cup of tea and sit on my balcony, sipping tea and listening to my favorite music. That acts as a great stress reliever. Nothing is more soothing than music when you are stressed.

Frontlist: In the context of World Mental Health Day, how do you believe literature and storytelling can contribute to discussions about mental health, especially when it intersects with themes like friendship and personal growth?

Ajay: A key reason for the growing rate of Depression is loneliness. Everyone is too busy in today's modern world. You want to have someone by your side… someone who will listen to you, understand you, and with whom you want to be emotionally connected. So, how do we cater to emotional needs? The root cause of Depression is loneliness, as I have said earlier.

If you work in a different city, you have had to leave behind your strong social networks of friends and family. It takes time to develop similarly supportive social capital in a new place. That's why I would always suggest making friends. You should have a friend with whom you can share your feelings.

The person who is an avid reader will hardly feel lonely. I hope you have noticed that people go for solo trips, and they read. A burning desire and deadly passion will never allow you to feel lonely.

This is because when you are reading, you are so engrossed in it that you can escape your thoughts and concerns. I believe reading literature makes people empathetic and aware of others' emotions and energies. Reading is meditation for your mind, and this diverts your focus and gives you company.